What does it mean to go within?

Throughout my life I’ve been told that the answers are within. Even in mainstream media people are saying to go within to find answers, to to solve problems, and to achieve enlightenment.


So what does it mean to go within?


When I first started on this journey I tried to go within by meditating, writing in journals, praying, and even answering questions from workbooks; but it didn’t matter what I tried, I always ended up in the same place – confused and without any more answers than I had in the first place. Sure, many logical answers came to me, but they were difficult to implement on an emotional basis. They were intellectual and difficult to embody. What I found inside was a ceaseless stream of me – thoughts about what was occurring in my life, ideas about how I wished things would change, and random daydreams that seemed determined to distract me.


Going inside seemed pointless. Once there, what was I supposed to do? How was it supposed to help me achieve my goals?


After years of seeking, I believe I have finally found my answer.


For me, to go within means to be courageous enough to see myself for who I truly am. This requires a great deal of bravery, vulnerability, acceptance, and willingness to believe.


It is my current belief that we are all loving, magnificent beings who subconsciously desire to live in harmony with each other. However, our misconceptions about ourselves, others, and our world keep us imprisoned in illusions of competition, separation, illness, lack, and suffering.


How do we overcome these illusions?


By going within and questioning our belief systems and our motivations. We must overcome our illusions and accept full responsibility for our lives. There are no victims, and until we can accept this statement as true, we cannot claim the power to change our lives.

Likewise, until we are willing to let go of who we think we are, we will be imprisoned by our own limitations.


So, what does it look like to go inside and bring forth real change? What does it look like to conquer an illusion?


I will give you an example:

There was once someone in my life who I perceived as plotting against me. (For ease of understanding, I will refer to this person as a girl.)

If I made a list of all the nasty things I perceived she did to me, I dare to say that most people would gasp and be offended on my behalf. But that was before I knew there were no victims; I too believed she was to blame for my suffering.

Thankfully, I learned otherwise. I learned that my own false belief systems were the reasons for my suffering. I learned that it was my decision, and only my decision, to participate in the negativity. It was my choice to accept the perceptions that kept me imprisoned in being a victim.

Once I grasped this understanding, no matter how new and uncomfortable it was to me, I now had a tool I could use. I could quiet my mind and ask myself a very important question: What are the false belief systems I have accepted that have made me feel like a victim?

At first, all I could think about was all the horrible things she did to me. I couldn’t understand how I could be responsible for how she treated me. Then I began to build a list of the things I believed about her.  Below are a few of the beliefs I blindly accepted about her:

1) This girl hates me. She is a horrible person.

2) I don’t deserve how she treats me.

3) There’s nothing I can do about how she treats me. It’s not my fault.


As you can see, every single one of these statements comes from a victim mentality.

Accepting these beliefs as my truth made it impossible for me to ever achieve balance or happiness. I was putting my power in someone else’s hands.

So as much is I disliked, or even despised the girl, I had to admit that unless I was willing to change myself and to see my participation in the relationship, then things would never be resolved.


Therefore, I asked myself, “Why do I need this girl in my life?”

The reason I asked this was because, if I truly believed that I was responsible for everything that happened in my life, then how this girl was treating me was merely a reflection of what was inside of me. If she weren’t in my life, then I would have attracted someone else to act as my mirror. Thinking of it this way made it less personal. Once I could observe the situation from a somewhat detached point of view, I could see much more clearly.

It was right then and there I made an important decision–instead of choosing to be a victim, I chose to take full responsibility for myself and my life. I decided to take full responsibility for my relationship with this girl.


I asked myself, “How did I create this?”

To answer my question, I went back and analyzed my victimizing beliefs.

Here is how I did it:

1) She hates me. She is horrible.

I asked myself, “Is this absolutely true?”

I tried to think of several circumstances that could negate this belief and I found some.

  • I found that in certain circumstances, the girl was quite loving, even if it wasnt towards me.
  • I also realized that she didn’t always act hateful towards me. There were a handful of times she actually said hello to me when I entered the room.
  • Then another idea entered my mind. Maybe, just maybe, she did not hate me at all, but had been unable to handle and process her own illusions and suffering in a loving way.
  • Maybe something about me acted as a mirrot to her, and reminded her of her own suffering, just as she was doing for me.

If I could think of even one thing that negated the statement then it must mean that I could no longer hold that statement is absolutely true.

Once I realized this, another way for me to look at that statement presented itself. I tried to imagine that she loved me so much that she was willing to be my teacher. Was it possible that, on a subconscious level, she was willing to add to her own suffering by participating in my lessons?  Did she also have lessons to learn from this? I suddenly became grateful to have this girl in my life to show me the mistakes I had made in my perceptions and judgments. I became excited to have opportunities to change and to let go of misperceptions, resentment, and blame.


Now let’s take a look at the second statement…


2) I don’t deserve how she treats me.

If I accept that I am responsible for everything that happens in my life, then this statement must be false. Accepting responsiblity for my reality no longer allows me to blame anyone or anything outside of myself.


Let’s move forward to the last statement…


3) There’s nothing I can do about how she treats me

Was that statement absolutely true?

If our reality consists of our perceptions, then it would stand to reason that if I changed my perceptions about her, then she would have the opportunity to change her perceptions of herself and me as well. If I extended understanding and love toward her and allowed myself to be vulnerable instead of reactive in my dealings with her, then might the way she treated me change? Likewise, if I changed myself, might I stop attracting those kinds of lessons and teachers? Would she feel compelled to leave my life? Or . . . might our relationship heal?


In becoming more vulnerable, I became more powerful. 

I stopped being reactive. I stopped basing my present understandings on past emotions. Each time she verbally “attacked” me, I reminded myself that I am love. I firmly and respectfully stated that I was no longer willing to participate in situations or relationships that perpetuated suffering and I meant it.  I stopped engaging in the negativity. I stopped reacting.  Instead, I asked myself, “What is the most loving thing I can do in this moment?”

Many times, the answer was to become even more loving to myself, which sometimes meant that I needed to leave the situation, or to kindly and genlty ask her to leave. Other times, it was to tell her that I knew she was suffering and to acknowledge her pain. And yet other times, when she was not with me, I would imagine her as happy, loving, and carefree. I imagined what it might feel like to be good friends with her.

As the relationship progressed, it became easier and easier for me to clearly see that her reactions had nothing at all to do with me. I stopped taking her comments personally, until I was finally able to see and feel the loving being she truly was—which, in turn, was really a reflection me and of how much I had changed.

At the same time, I grew in my ability to set boundaries and to stop participating in negative situations. I claimed, with authority, how my life would be.

Thankfully, our relationship was fully healed, and we are now good friends. Because of this situation, I am more understanding and compassionate, not only for others, but also for myself, which makes all the difference.

Be courageous. Go within and let go of all that is not absolutely true. Be willing to be “wrong.” Be willing to accept your mistakes and move past them. Be loving, kind, and gentle with yourself so that you may learn true compassion and forgiveness.


You are the artist of your life, make it a masterpiece!


I’ll Be Okay When…

I’ve recently been observing myself and others and I find that many of us have several things in common. One particular thing that stands out to me is how many of us seem to be future oriented. Throughout my life I’ve envisioned my journey taking me to incredible places, which has kept me from focusing on the present. I continually told myself, “When I get this (fill in the blank), then I will be okay.” 
Sometimes I would get what I was hoping for and sometimes I wouldn’t. But most of the time, even if I received what I had wanted, I would have a spurt of seeming happiness and then I would quickly go back to feeling the same as I had when I originally placed my order with the universe. I still wanted more. 

Lately, I’ve found myself doing exactly the same thing that I’ve done for years – thinking of what the future will bring instead of living in the present. Luckily, I had the inclination to stop and ask myself, “If I’m not totally and completely satisfied right now, will I ever be?”

Things suddenly became very clear. 

My life is happening right now. It’s not happening in the past and there are no guarantees for the future. Besides, the future rarely works out the way I think it will. So if I am ever going to experience happiness, it needs to happen now!

I stopped everything that I was doing – working tirelessly on business related materials – and I took inventory on how I spent my time. I realized that I was spending most of my time alone, in front of a computer, disconnected from any social interactions in hopes that my work would someday bring me in closer connection with others. I had buried myself in meaningless tasks that are ever perpetual and I was not taking time to come up to let the sun shine on my face, smell the flowers, or to enjoy the moment.

I decided right then and there to choose to live my life now. I would seize every opportunity to share loving moments with my friends and family, to connect with with my pets, to be grateful for my experiences, and to rediscover what joy truly is.

I had an awareness that even if I were to achieve every single one of my dreams, I would be in the exact same emotional state I am in now. I would feel the same, I would have the same desires, I would love the same people, I would still have the same bad habits.

Therefore, I must live for today and make the effort to rediscover myself, my passions, my drives, my desires, and learn how to be be vulnerable to each and every situation. I must observe myself so that I may discover and release the false belief systems that keep me from being my most loving and authentic version of myself. 

Now I understand that by living for today, my future will be bright indeed because I will be bringing the future to me instead of projecting myself into the future.

It really is as Neville Goddard said, “Live in the wish fullfilled.” 

Feel as if you already have that which you desire and nothing in the universe will be able to keep it from you.

Seize the day, your future depends on it!

DAZ 3D Fix for Characters Deformed When Loading into Scene 2017

I opened my Daz 3D program today to find out that all my figures were somehow morphed and disfigured.  I looked on many forums and kept getting the same answers. They told me to go to the figure and fix all the parameters that were not set to zero. Well, as you can guess, that would have taken FOREVER! So I played around and found an easier fix. By following these steps, you will make changes to the base figure, and all other characters should now work because your base models are no longer messed up.



Step 1:  Go to your Content Library tab and locate the base figure.  For instance, you can see in the below picture that I have moused over “People>Genesis 3 Female”   (What you should NOT do is go to the characters folder.  That does not contain the base figure)


Step 2: Load the figure into the scene


Step 3: We need to Zero the figure shape.  To do this, go to “Edit>Figure>Zero>Zero Figure Shape.”  I wish I could tell you that the job is finished, but not quite.


Step 4: Next you need to set all default parameters to Zero.  This is the part that takes the longest.  To do this, go to your Parameters tab.

Step 5: Click on the figure (In my case it’s “Genesis 3 Female”  (See picture in step 6 to see what I mean.  Look at the yellow selection on the right)

Step 6: Scroll through the parameters and look for the bolded numbers that say “0.0%”


Step 7: Press the gear icon on the top right of the setting and Select “Parameter Settings”


Step 8: Change the default settings to ZERO.


Step 9: Click Apply (or press Enter)


Step 10: Do this for ALL the bold 0.0% numbers that you find in the parameters list.  (When you change the default, they will not be bold anymore, which means you’re doing it right)


Step 11: I like to scroll through the list one more time to make sure I didn’t miss any bolded percent signs

Step 12: Go to “File>Save As>Support Asset>Save Modified Assets”



Step 13: Push Accept  (A list of all your changes will be in the box for you to see)


Step 14: Just to make sure I have a clean figure, I like to add a couple more steps by repeating steps 1, 2, and 3.  If I don’t see any changes in the figure, then I know I’m good.


I hope this helps!


If you have other advice, please comment. As I said, I looked on many forums and couldn’t find an answer that worked with more than one figure until I tried this out.


Where Fantasy Lives



Once upon a time, the world was enchanted. Her caretakers were magical beings who worked side-by-side with humans to create harmony and balance for the earth to grow and thrive. But then something went disastrously wrong, and humans were banished from the enchanted realms forever . . . or so we thought.

This fall, I will release the first book of my new series in which magic is restored to our ordinary, mundane world. Those feelings of awe and wonder that we’ve allowed to fade from our lives will be recaptured as we journey along side my three protagonists into unbelievable and captivating adventures. Feel the shock and bewilderment when Noah, Skye and Ethan find Neevya (the faerie you met in Grum’s Tales) in a haunted forest where the Darkness has awakened. Experience elation and joy as we learn just how real magic is. But not all is fun and games. The heroes will find themselves in a race against time to help Neevya return to her realm, while discovering themselves and their own magic within.

Between now and the release date, I will post updates about the novel. I also plan to include some short stories, and although many of them will take place in the same mystical realms that will be explored in the novel, they will not interfere with the main storyline.

I invite you to join me on this journey and allow the enchantment to unfold and the magic to take hold within your lives.

As Ol’ Grum would say, “Best to click that blasted follow button so you can take time for a good sit down and a nap without missing out.”

Short Stories


There have been quite a few changes happening over the past few months, and I’m writing to let you know what to expect in 2016. Before I get into the details, however, I’d like to take the belated opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year! I hope your new year has gotten off to a prosperous and healthy start!

As for me, I’ve been diligently writing a new series called The Mythic Realms.  It’s my hope to release the first book in September of 2016.  Additionally, I have been writing short stories to give you some adventures to read during the wait. Some of the short stories will take place in the same worlds and with the same characters you will meet in The Mythic Realm series, while others will have no relation.  I plan to release the short stories in sections so that you can quickly read them without having to worry about interrupting your day.

On a related note, I am working on some other interesting projects that I will let you know about as they become more developed. I also plan to compete in ballroom dancing with my husband, Louis Bar, this year. It is my goal to keep you updated at least once a week with either a short story or other blog posts…including what happens behind the scenes in ballroom dancing (which can be pretty unbelievable).


Wishing you joy, peace, understanding, and prosperity!


Loyal Friends

Aren’t dogs our most loving and loyal friends? This video is a tribute to my amazing companions, whom I appreciate and love dearly. Zorion and Milou, thank you for sharing your lives with me.

Gentle Giant and Little Squirt -How a tiny puppy rescued a German Shepherd from Depression

My German Shepherd lost his two best doggie friends and slipped into what seemed to be a deep depression. His buddy, a mini Schnauzer, died of cancer, and then his elder companion, a 16 1/2 old german shepherd, died shortly afterwards.  My Gentle Giant seemed devastated as he moped around the house, ate very little, and even refused to play. I tried taking him to parks, lavishing attention on him, and even giving him treats. Yet, nothing I tried could pull him out of his slump. Then, my vet recommended getting another companion for my Gentle Giant.

At first, I wondered if it were too soon after the tragedy of losing his companions. Then, I decided it was worth a try.

As you can see by this video, it worked!  Here you will see how gentle and happy my Giant is as he plays with his new friend, a 5 month old mini Schnoodle.

Kindle Paperwhite Vs Paperback

When it comes to Kindle Paperwhite Vs Paperback, the war is on!

To begin, I find it prudent to ask, “How to you choose the books you read?” Do you search libraries and bookstores, determined to only read paper editions? Or do you search online and read e-books on your portable devices?

Personally, I do both.

I recently read a post that got me thinking about my own preferences and ideas.  For your reference, I have posted a link at the bottom of this post.

I have bookshelves overflowing with paperbacks and hardbacks. Per my husband’s request and the lack of room, I tried to narrow down my titles. Until I got my e-reader, a lovely Kindle Paperwhite, it was a losing battle. Books were scattered everywhere throughout my home. At first, in an attempt to solve this dilemma, I tried reading e-books on my computer and my phone. Reading with a backlight caused constant eye strain and discomfort, so I quickly gave up my mission. At that point, I was convinced e-books were definitely not my friends. Then came the recommendation of an acquaintance. She argued that the Kindle Paperwhite would be easy on my eyes, and solve my problem of overflowing bookshelves. Boy was she right!

In my opinion, reading on a Kindle Paperwhite is even better than reading a paperback! It is light, the perfect size, and I can read it in any lighting condition. The screen is not backlit, so I no longer suffer from eye strain. Best of all, I can keep all my books in one place! Not only does this mean my home no longer looks messy, but I can have my entire library with me at all times. How amazing is that?

Is there a con to go along with the pros when it comes to using a Kindle Paperwhite? Unfortunately yes. My lovely device requires more charging than I thought it would. It doesn’t matter if I use it or not, I have to recharge it at least every other week. For some, this may seem fantastic. For me, however, it’s a nuisance when I put it down for a month to read a few paperback editions not available in e-book format.

Some people argue that self-published authors are saturating the e-book market, and for this reason they will not convert to e-readers. Their claim is that the level of  writing is poor and inconsistent among self-published writers. In my opinion, those days are passing. Readers are demanding a higher level of writing. Just read the reviews on Amazon and you will see. “Those reviews are fake,” you may say. For your protection, Amazon is now monitoring reviews. If they feel a review is false, they will pull it without thinking twice. Amazon wants their book selection to be just as pristine as you do. So why not give e-books a try? You might find that you like them.

I would love to know your opinions. How do you choose the books you read? How do you weed through the e-book market? Do you prefer paperbacks or e-books?

Reference to post link: http://keepwatchingthewords.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/the-paperback-vs-ebook-debate/

*Note: I have not been paid or hired to endorse any products. These are simply my views.